Last March, I had the pleasure of hearing Roger King read from his
new book at the Meekins Library in Williamsburg, Mass. I was impressed by his quiet eloquence, and by the way he managed to convey the truth of what it is like to have ME/CFS without
falling into pathos. For those of us who have the illness, it is a tremendous
relief to hear the thoughts and feelings we have all shared expressed with such
clarity. Roger King has done a great service to the ME/CFS community in writing
this book. I highly recommend it to everyone who has ME/CFS or knows someone with the illness.
You can purchase Love and Fatigue in America on Amazon and Barnes & Noble. Read more about Roger King here.
Love and Fatigue in America
Roger King’s intimate account of falling ill with the
disease known as chronic fatigue syndrome – CFS in the US, myalgic
encephalomyelitis (ME) elsewhere – is a rarity. One would expect a memoir
documenting a horrific illness to evoke pity. Yet, King’s observations, both of
himself and of the country in which he finds himself marooned, are so keen, and
so humorous, that it is difficult to feel anything other than admiration. What
makes this book stand out among other memoirs is King’s unflinching, yet
completely unself-serving honesty. King is not out to shock his audience, or to
make them feel his pain. He is merely telling the truth.
As is the case with many immigrants, King, a British citizen,
moves to the U.S. in order to start a new life. He had worked for years as a
socio-economist in international development, traveling widely throughout Asia
and Africa at the behest of the UN. But a fruitless love affair, as well as
becoming the unwitting victim of a police conspiracy, provides the impetus for
making a fresh start. King’s literary background, as well as his world
experience, makes him an excellent candidate for a post in an English department.
So, he accepts a position teaching creative writing, literature and
screenwriting at “Inland University” (Eastern Washington University), deep in
the great American Northwest. With a new novel about to be published, a new
life in academia, and the possibility of new love on the horizon, it appears as
if King’s wish has come true.
Within a year, King’s dream of starting a new life turns
into a nightmare. After recovering from a nasty flu, King goes to a gym to work
himself back into health. This is where his world slips sideways. A sudden bout
of dizziness, accompanied by profound weakness, forces him to the floor, where
King gamely tries to pretend as if he is just dehydrated. But having worked in
Africa, King is no stranger to the effects of dehydration. He knows this is
something else.
“The pressing weight is enormous, too much for my muscles, which have themselves turned into a dead weight. After receiving an urgent petition from the neck, I let my head drop. My heart has gone deep. It’s beating down there, but very slowly. There’s nothing to do but wait, I tell myself.”
So begins the saga of ME/CFS: a long string of ineffectual doctors
(whom King identifies with roman numerals and by nickname: “Grumpy,” “Happy,” “Thumper”),
a longer string of useless medications, a string of friends who offer support
but don’t really understand what is wrong, and finally, a very long string of
states, as King drives from California to Massachusetts looking for a home, looking
for love, and trying to outrun his disease.
While the topic of this book is illness – what we think and
do when we lose our health, how we adjust, or don’t – the theme is love. In
spite of a body that does not let him function, King’s desire for love is
unimpeded by his complete inability to seek it, or do anything with it once he has
found it. Against all odds, he finds love after all. Mary, a beautiful,
accomplished paleontologist, befriends him, and eventually falls in love with
him. King now has his heart’s desire … but, as the saying goes, we should be
careful of what we wish for.
Ultimately, after love that is simultaneously found and lost,
and travels that take him from one coast to the other, King comes to terms with
the realities of an incurable illness, achieving an awareness that goes beyond anything
we might expect to experience in our short lives. This is the journey’s end.
“I am, this illness has proved, not divisible within myself, not separable from without. My borders are permeable, the border patrol flawed and corruptible. The new understanding is that my self is not a knot of self-regard located in my mind, but some large and labile thing existing beyond my full control in a continuum of brain, body, other living things, and all substance beyond. In short, the nature of CFS is an object lesson in oneness. Which is an object lesson in love. You are lost, yet you are found.”
All of us, whether we have ME/CFS or any other affliction of
the body or heart, are lost, yet found. In the beauty of his words, and in his
commitment to the truth, King has found us.
Originally posted on Blogcritics.