CDC Spoof of ME/CFS

Below is a letter that Hillary Johnson posted on her website. She found it tacked to a bulletin board at the CDC in 1986. Hillary's website has since been taken down, but I ran off a copy of the CDC letter to keep for posterity, and to serve as a constant reminder of the seriousness with which the CDC took this illness after the Incline Village outbreak in 1984.
October 5, 1986

Center of Diseased Comptrollers 
Bldg 6, Rm 127 
Atlanta, GA 30333

Dear Sirs:

I am SICK. I saw your ad in the L.A. Times, and need your help. I am so tired it took me 6 days to dictate this letter to my secretary. Please send all available information, and I mean ALL, about CEBV, CMV, HSV, VZV, HPV, HTLV II1/LAV/HIV, RSV, HAV, HBV, SV40, G-BS, RSV, RSVP, DRG's, 0MB, FDA, NIH, INH, NIMH, SPBSQSA, ABC's, D&C's, T&A's, S&M, ASPCA, UCLA, HMD's, AIDS, Ayds, USAID's, IUD's, BCP's, HBP, CHF, ESRD, USAA, and Japanese Bee Encephalitis, PDQ. Also please send a complete list of all physicians in the U.S., Canada, Mexico, the Caribbean, South America, Europe, Africa, Asia (including the Indian and Southeast Asian subcontinents), Greenland, Antarctica, and the Marianas Islands who work with the above agents, along with their addresses, telephone #'s, height, weight, hair and eye color, social security I, number of living relatives, favorite colors, and how much they charge (the more expensive, the better).

I would also like a list of recommended treatments for the above conditions, in descending order of trendiness, including acyclovir, gamma globulin, WXYZ-2,3DPG, Vitamins A, B-l thru 12, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, 0, P, and Q, Zinc, Cadmium, Cobalt, Neodymium, Ytterbium, lecithin, morithin, lessismorithin, sensory deprivations walking on hot coals, alternating sensory deprivation and walking on hot coals, purified fruit-bat guano injections, and bedrest. I have already tried Valium, Lithium, Haldol, and thorazine, but they only work when I take them.

Please, also inform me about how to get social security and workmen's compensation benefits for the above diseases. I have had them for over 40 years now, and I am only 29 years old.

Thanks for all your help.

I.M. Zappode 
2431 Western Blot 
Wornout, CA, 98765

1 comment:

  1. This makes me sick. I have never suffered this level of abuse, physical and mental, and neglect until now... And that's saying a lot since I grew up with a step dad that we later found out was already declared "Criminally Insane" in another state. This was before there were any laws protecting women from husbands that were actively trying to kill them. The police could literally do nothing but hold them for a few hours. We'd run, and he'd be there, with his gun, laughing maniacally at the fear on our faces. My little brother, myself and my mother went to sleep every night to the lullaby of this man standing in the hallway brandishing a large knife, grinning and reminding us that he kept it under the mattress on his side of the bed... It was a living hell. What the government and medical profession has done to me, all while I am clearly suffering, has been far more traumatic. They treat animals with more compassion.


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